


Developmental Beta: Real-Life Examples

by Developmental_Beta (Emmessann)



Series: Real-Life Examples [1]
Category: Original Work, Star Trek RPF
Genre: Beta-Reading, Developmental Beta-Reading, Developmental Editing, Gen, M/M, Meta, Writing, editing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-02
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 20:56:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2555348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmessann/pseuds/Developmental_Beta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This section contains quotes and examples from my work as a beta-reader for specific stories.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Opening the Beta's Black Box

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks very much to Medeafic, who made all of this possible.

The first rule of beta reading is, you don't talk about beta reading.

Ninety-nine percent of the time, beta-reading takes place inside a black box.  The writer and beta know how the sausage was made, and no one else has any idea. The only clue is the writer’s acknowledgment:

"Shout-out to Ann Emmess, who was a big help in taming this beast!"

Variations on that are pretty standard online, and they're absolutely fine as thanks. But the credit doesn't tell you anything about what I actually did. There's a world of possibilities:

  * I made a few comments on the first chapter and vanished, but the author credited me anyway
  * I was a great help with spelling and grammar (SPAG), finding and correcting 22 errors
  * I said that the ending didn't quite work for me, though when pressed I couldn't explain how



Or

  * I made suggestions throughout that largely made sense to the author and weren't too daunting to apply
  * I suggested a new direction to a scene, and the author put her own spin on it. Commenters single out this particular scene as the fan favorite.  



Periodically in this blog, I'll crack open the black box of a story I've beta-read and poke around inside. With the author's permission, I'll post actual examples from stories I've worked on, and show you the suggestions and changes that were made.

I'm so excited that I get to show you how the sausage was made, instead  of just discussing the general idea of sausage. It's all thanks to one of my dearest friends and greatest cheerleaders. I have beta'd for [Medeafic ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Medeafic/pseuds/Medeafic)since we first met online in 2010. At the time she was in a highly prolific phase and sent me twenty pages every Tuesday like clockwork, for over a year. This, in turn, began the richest experience with beta-reading that I have ever had.

When I asked Medea, ever so timidly, if she would mind if I aired some of our beta/writer conversations to the public, she was more generous and encouraging than I'd dared to hope. When specific examples come up, I'll show you direct quotes from the story drafts and from our comments. We'll throw open the doors on almost five years of working together.

 

 


	2. Connecting Disconnects: Helping Each Element Match the Big Picture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A story with a strong theme has its villain tweaked to match

Picture it: August, 2010. When I became her beta, [Medeafic ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Medeafic/pseuds/Medeafic)was already well-known in the Pinto fandom (Star Trek RPF featuring Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto) for writing long, dark, intensely erotic series. However, she'd just begun to branch out into more playful ideas. Electric Blue was an early example.

In [Electric Blue](http://archiveofourown.org/works/164946), the Star Trek celebrities are superheroes. Chris Pine is the best of them, a Cyclops-like character called Electric Blue. Zach, an ordinary human, discovers Chris's secret and begs to become his sidekick. 20k of silliness ensues.

Throughout the story, superpowers were used as a metaphor for the power of celebrity. For instance, the New York heroes had all of the respect and most of the talent, but the West Coast heroes were truly well-known and beloved. This imagery came up many times.

As a result, I was disappointed when I got to the big reveal of why super-villain Pinstripes (Karl Urban) was attacking Electric Blue in the first place. Turns out:

> Zach blinks.  "You…you have a crush on him?"
> 
> "It’s not a crush!" Pinstripes yells, and flails up threateningly from the sofa.  "It's real!  It's love!  He just doesn't know it yet.  But he will!"

Looking back, this turn of events wasn't that bad. Given the overall silliness of the piece, I doubt that many readers would have minded it.

What bothered me, though, was that Karl's crush came out of nowhere. Anyone could crush on Chris Pine, right? It didn't seem purposeful. The villain's whole motivation was disconnected from the story.

When I talk about how a developmental beta finds the shape that the story already wants to be, this is what I mean. Medea's story was already a metaphor. The villain needed a motive. The motive, I felt, should be part of that metaphor.

I wrote up my findings in a comment letter to Medea. (I should mention: My comments tend to be long-winded, it is my curse. Best practices for beta-reading are safe, sane and _concise_ , but I'm lucky if I get two of the three.) Anyway, in part:

> "The one thing I would change is Karl's villainy and motivation. How would Karl even get a crush on Chris in this AU? It works, but it's slighter and less compelling than Part 2, and that's why it comes as a bit of a letdown.
> 
> So you might go back to Karl, and figure out a new set of issues for him that connect to the celebrity metaphor. How did he choose the people he targeted? What did they have that he wanted? Has he been around people like this before? (Maybe in Lord of the Rings?)
> 
> Furthermore, I think it's really interesting that he's so fascinated with powers but is scared to try them himself. I can't quite get to it myself, but there may be something you can mine there if you look for parallels to the celebrity experience. Like, for Oz/NZ actors, it takes them far away from home and family for months at a time. I'm also guessing there must be some resentment back home that some of the biggest and brightest Oz/NZ stars only really get worldwide validation once they hit LA. Anything to that?"

If you go and look at the final version of Electric Blue, you’ll see that the crush motivation went by the wayside. Instead, Karl got a new motivation that was closer to the celebrity actor metaphor:

> Pinstripes stands and begins readying his guns, checking each chamber and laying out holsters.  "In my home country," he says conversationally, "I was a big fish in a small pond.  I was recognized wherever I went.  People would just about fall over themselves to please me.  But the minute any one of the second-rate, stupid supervillains in LA did anything – well, they got all the coverage.  And I – I was just The Urban Bandit.  I’ll bet you’ve never heard that name before, right?"  Zach shakes his head.  "Of course not.  It was infuriating, because I knew how much better I could be.  I knew if I could just move into a bigger pond, I could grow.  Do you understand?"  He looks at Zach, raises an eyebrow.

Notice that the rewrite doesn't pick up directly on any of the possibilities I threw out, which is a) completely typical, and b) the absolute best way for things to go. It shows that Medea made the change her own; some inspiration struck her after she got the comment, and that’s what she ran with. It was a silly story with a random villain, and now it's a silly story whose villain fits the piece. This is the kind of change I'm proud to facilitate.

 **Developmental Beta Note:** When the ending of a story (or a major plot twist) veers off course, is not what you expected and seems poorer for it, take a look at the beginning and remind yourself of where you thought the author was headed. The early chapters often contain valuable information about what a story's really "about," and at times it's something the author hasn't realized yet. The true theme frequently begins as off-handed doodling in the margin of a larger story. Finding the value in the early chapters and bringing them back to reconcile with the later chapters can make the entire story more coherent and ultimately more satisfying.


End file.
